2 Plus 1 = Adoption Emotions and Lessons

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It’s been four months. And in one week we will know if our Baby #3 will be free for adoption.

I recognize the fact that I’ve been rather silent about our family life recently. Mainly because I haven’t really known what to write.


So many emotions have flooded my soul: love, happiness, excitement, stress, anger, sadness, frustration…

When we agreed to take this little girl into our home to be our own, I had no idea what we were doing. And I’ve learned as the days pass that not only have we brought this 2 year old into our family, but we’ve also brought in her parents.

I have to take this little girl twice a month to visit her birth parents. Hopefully next week this will end because the courts will terminate parental rights. But even if rights are terminated, they will still, biologically, be this girl’s parents. And as this baby grows older we will deal with her questions and curiosities. I’ve tried to ignore these people, downplay their  involvement, and hide gifts they’ve given to her because I am fighting with them in my heart. I am her mother. I am loving her the way she ought be loved. They have done nothing, or at least very little, to love this baby.

And then the Voice, either through my sweet husband, or from deep in my heart tells me, “These parents are people and they are hurting. They have eternal souls and make mistakes just like you do. In this case, they are about to lose their child because of their decisions.” What if that mother had been me?

Perhaps they don’t care much. Little has been done to please the court. Since the baby has been with us, they chose to miss two visitations. This means I drove almost an hour, one way, to find out fifteen minutes later that they decided to not come.

That’s irritating.

But life isn’t about me, even though I have been dramatically making it appear that way. I have been battling selfish thoughts and attitudes since this little one joined us. Attitudes towards her, attitudes toward her parents, and stress over changes in family structure. Jealousy, frustration, irritation, anger. All I can do is bow my heart toward a loving God and ask for forgiveness to wash over me time and time again. Every day I become slightly more broken as more sins are shown to me. God’s been in my face quite a bit. And I deserved every minute of the discipline. I take joy in knowing that God has not given up on me.

I pray that the Lord would help me to see my new daughter, and her biological parents, through His eyes.

They all need to know Jesus.

They ALL, all three, need to know Jesus and come to a saving faith.

The sins I have exhibited these months are no different than theirs. We are all broken. We all need Jesus.

The difference is my husband and I do know Jesus, and they do not. We are commanded by Jesus to tell the world Who He is. We are not to pick and choose who we share Him with.

Two-year olds can be exasperating! {I don’t think I’m all that great with two-year olds. It’s not an age I enjoy…} But I try to capture and remember our fun, good moments and brush off the fits and temper tantrums. I need to pull out the video camera and tape her singing “Jesus Loves Me,” and “Happiness in the Lord.” She is learning about Jesus. And one day, I pray, she really will mean it when she says, “Jesus IS in my hawwert.”


So I will pray. I will pray for the salvation of this baby. I will pray for the salvation of these parents. The Lord has a plan in all of this.

Adoption is hard and emotions run deep. But tonight, after a long hard day, I sat on the couch with my three children as my husband read the scriptures.

It was good.

It’s beginning to feel normal.


2 Plus 1 = Adoption Emotions and Lessons — 13 Comments

    • The waves can be quite tall some days! And I must admit that some days I forget to look to the Savior first. He is quick to get my attention though. 🙂

  1. Blessings on your family. I pray the court proceedings go smoothly, quickly, and that God’s will is done in the situation. My husband was adopted and has no interest in locating his birth parents, there is no question in his mind who his real parents are. A lifetime of love really does mean more than biology.

    • Thank you so much for these words! In the back of my mind I think of what might could happen in the future. But I shouldn’t, and take each day one moment at a time. The future will have it’s own issues!

  2. Thank you for your honesty and thank you for sharing because this is a story from which we can all learn something. Your emotions must be running rampant and it is a great reminder that nothing is truly about us (because we all have our stresses)…everything is about glorifying Him. And you have been given a great opportunity to witness, simply by being kind and compassionate to the birth parents while demonstrating true love for a little girl (and all 2 year-olds are a handful!). I will pray for your family that you are able to finalize the process and move on to the next phase of learning and loving together. And I will also pray for her biological parents…that they will be wise enough to see clearly how fortunate their daughter is and that is because of God’s great plan.

    • Thank you. I have to admit that I remind myself that love is not based on emotions, but that it is a choice. Some days are harder than others, but I will choose this child to love and add to my family even if my emotions are having a hard time dealing with all of the intertwined issues.

  3. Praying for you and your family! It is obvious to us outsiders that she is meant to be with your family. As a teacher, I question parents’ love, and actions towards their children constantly. With Chad being in law enforcement, there have been a number of children that he has had to have removed from homes and I will cry all night for those children. Like you, I often feel extreme manger towards the parents for the choices that they make, but then, The Lord reveals to me the things that I do as an imperfect mother. You are human but so humble in The Lord and I admire that about you! Changes in your attitude and humbleness has been evident over the last few years!

    • Thanks so much for your words. I’m ashamed and embarrassed over many of my actions and words over the last 5 years. I am so grateful that the Lord doesn’t give up on me, while others do. And I appreciate all of the wonderful women from whom I learn from on a weekly basis at church. There is no good in me, only Jesus.

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  5. I fully share your emotions!!! We adopted a sibling group of 5. It has been exhausting. When our adoption became final we were allowed to homeschooling them as we have and still do with our 9 biological children. It has been a roller coaster of emotions. Our adopted children were 14-16 months when they came to us. Nearly 3 1/2 years later, my emotions are still high. My husband and I have told the children when they are 18, we will allow them to see their parents. Our now 17 year says he doesn’t want to visit them. But I told him to always pray for them and to forgive them. That maybe one day he will want to see them and not to burn the bridges that they have.
    Our adoption process and adjustment has been the most difficult situation we have encountered so far in our life. But it has been the most BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL, hard blessing we have ever received!!! People ask us if we would do it again and we say YES!!! We encourage others to adopt, and would love to see our children to do the same.
    Prayers for you and your family!!! Blessings to your family!!!

    • We have allowed our oldest adopted son to stay in our public school as he was doing very well, for the 1st time in his school life. I didn’t know where to start with him and with so many in our home school I did not know if I could give him what he needed. Or if I could do it.

Thoughts? Please share!