My Husband Sent Me to My Room ~ A Wife’s Lesson in Submission

“Go to your room!”

I walked away in shock. I closed the door and sat on my bed. I paced the floor. The door opened and he came in to get something.

“Am I in trouble?”
He looked at me and said, “Yes, you are. You were disrespectful to me in front of someone. It was awkward. You do that a lot.”

He closed the door and left the room.

marriage

The Anger:

I was so mad! How dare he!

I’m an adult! He sent me to my room.

I cannot believe this!

And as I cleaned up Legos from my floor, I sat and fumed as poison dripped from my brain into my heart. Submission is for the birds!

The Brokenness:

Then the Spirit showed up. “You need to talk to Me,” It said. But I don’t WANT to, I thought. I continued to pick up tiny, colorful, plastic things and throw them into a bucket.

Are you behaving like an adult? He is your husband. You are his wife. He loves you and wants what is best for you.”

BUT

BUT

but…

I was wrong. My husband was right. I had snapped at him in a moment of emotion and I should not have. I did not display humility and grace, or self-control and poise. The Proverbs 31 Woman would have been HORRIFIED!

People can say what they want to about marriage and a wife’s role in submission, but I have found that my ability to submit to my husband is a direct reflection of my relationship with God.

And what I needed in this moment was Jesus. I was broken. I had done wrong and sinned against my husband.

I began to consider what my husband might do as a consequence for my actions. He could place the kids in public school and say I had to go back into the work force. I’d lose homeschooling. He could take away my leadership positions that I hold in my church. I would lose position in our community. He could say I had to stay home from a ladies event I wanted to go to. I would lose time building friendships.

He could *gasp* say I couldn’t blog anymore.

I sat on my bed with Jesus for over two hours.

The Reconciliation:

Once the kids were in bed the door opened.DSCN6945

“I love you,” he said as he walked past me to get ready for bed. When he returned he asked, “So how was your day?” and he sat on the bed and placed his head on my shoulder.

There was no anger.

“I had a really hard day,” I said quietly.
“I love  you,” he said again as he hugged me.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“I’m sorry, too. I love you.”

He didn’t say anything more about it. How can I not show respect and submit to a man who loves me like that?

I am blessed beyond measure.

His Unsolicited Explanation:

Our daughter we are in the process of adopting had apparently been “pressing my wife’s buttons” all day.  Then, my wife had just dealt with a boneless flop down fit in the ladies’ room.  She was at the edge of snapping.  I did not know any of this.  I said something to my wife that she did not like and she snapped at me in front of people.  It was awkward.  It made me mad.  I’m not too logical when I am mad.  Poisonous thoughts started dripping for me then.

My wife had to go take care of something.  The little one did not want me, she wanted Mama and she threw a fit for me while my wife was gone.  A few minutes later, as we were leaving, I told my wife to take my car.  The little one screamed most of the way home.  When we got home, I told my wife to go to our room and stay there.  I did pajamas, teeth, books.  Somewhere in the middle, we had that conversation where I said I was upset with her.  I was rude.  She was in our bedroom because I wanted to give her a break, so the little one would not have her way, and because I did not want to look at her.  At one point, the kids went in to tell her goodnight.  She looked less indignant at that point.  (She’s a stubborn old coot.)  I had cooled off a good bit, too.

While I was folding the laundry on the couch, I sang to the kids songs from our wedding hoping she could hear them.  I was so tired, I did not want to take the time to make up.  I just wanted to fix it and go to bed.  I contemplated just taking all the blame so I could get to sleep soon.  But, then there’s the principle that I could not let go of.  (I’m a stubborn old coot too, you see.)

Well, you’ve heard the rest of the story.  I think we were asleep in 10 minutes and we did not go to bed angry.  So, it worked out OK.

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** I hope you will join me in January as we tackle the immense blessings and intricacies of marriage. As you can see, I need to dig into God’s Word and learn how to be a better wife. Believe me when I say I do not have all of this figured out. Maybe we can help out each other!!

15 comments on “My Husband Sent Me to My Room ~ A Wife’s Lesson in Submission

  1. Really great post! It was cool getting to read both view points! Isn’t it just so sad that we can put on a nice face for everyone else and then be so unrespectful to our husband…the one person in the whole world we love with all our hearts…

  2. Even after 43 years, I’m still trying to get the hang of this. If life would stand still for just a few moments, I might be further down the road. But just when I think I’ve got it down pat, something else happens and I have to learn it all over again. Great post. I look forward to your January posts on marriage.

  3. Very sweet to read – The Lord is the ultimate healer in so many different ways. Thankful for a living God who hears our prayers, and answers back! Hey – I like going to my room sometimes LOL. Seriously, we all need cool down time, if we do not take it – this is where we let our feelings get in the way and say or do hurtful and disrespectful things.

  4. Marriage is hard, and there’s much to be learning through this, though admittedly, I was a little shocked about “being sent to your room” at first. I was thankful to read your husband’s thoughts on that.

    • I had him read and approve this before I posted. :) He’s concerned now that everyone thinks he’s lowsy, which is TOTALLY not true! He is the best man I have ever known. I can’t wait to share more as I go through this marriage series in the new year. ;)

  5. Um, ouch. This was just like you had been here (I’ve been sent to my room, felt those same things – same commentary in my head and picking up Legos, too!). Wonderful to read your husband’s side of it, too. I’ll try not to miss your posts next month.

  6. I love the two perspectives. Hearing the second totally changes the first. It’s beautiful, all the way around. How funny that you felt punished, but all the while he was wanting you to have a break! This sounds so familiar.

  7. My husband and I are both VERY stubborn so I could def see this happening although I am proud that you came around so quickly. I would have probably went to sleep on the couch and wait for him to come apologizing. Which might have never happened…. I’ve always struggled with that submission thing. But we have been married 25.5 yrs so we do have something going for us.

  8. what a lesson to from this post. Here in Africa, traditionally men do not apologize, but i thank God for the Gospel and civilization that has helped to ease the situation. though sometimes even as Christians, many still take their time before saying sorry. you have a great gift in him.

    • I am reminded constantly how blessed I am to have my husband. I do not deserve him and he is much better than I am. Thanks for reading!! May God do great things through you in your country!

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