** This blog post has caused quite a stir in some circles. Be sure you read the entire article before posting a comment and please be kind on comments. I love differing opinions, but I will not allow foul language. I also encourage you to read this Bible Study post on submission which I wrote that explains, with scripture, a Biblical picture of marriage. My husband is not abusive, and I encourage you to read more of my posts so you can see evidence. This post shows one moment in time, one moment in my marriage, where I learned a valuable truth. **
“Please, go to your room!”
I walked away in shock. I closed the door and sat on my bed. I paced the floor. The door opened and he came in to get something.
“Am I in trouble?”
He looked at me and said, “Yes, you are. You were disrespectful to me in front of someone. It was awkward. You do that a lot.”
He closed the door and left the room.
I was so mad! How dare he!
I’m an adult! He sent me to my room.
I cannot believe this!
And as I cleaned up my son’s Legos from the floor, I sat and fumed as poison dripped from my brain into my heart. Submission is for the birds!
Then the Spirit showed up. “You need to talk to Me,” It said.
But I don’t WANT to, I thought. I continued to pick up tiny, colorful, plastic things and throw them into a bucket.
“Are you behaving like an adult? He is your husband. You are his wife. He loves you and wants what is best for you.”
BUT……HE’s not acting like an adult!
BUT….He’s in the wrong, too!
but…I can only take responsibility for myself.
I was wrong. My husband was right. I had snapped at him in a moment of emotion and I should not have. I did not display humility and grace, or self-control and poise. The Proverbs 31 Woman would have been HORRIFIED!
People can say what they want to about marriage and a wife’s role in submission, but I have found that my ability to submit to my husband is a direct reflection of my relationship with God.
And what I needed in this moment was Jesus. I was broken. I had done wrong and sinned against my husband. Had he done wrong towards me? Yes. But I can only take responsibility for my own actions.
I sat on my bed with Jesus for over two hours.
“I love you,” he said as he walked past me to get ready for bed. When he returned he asked, “So how was your day?” and he sat on the bed and placed his head on my shoulder.
There was no anger.
“I had a really hard day,” I said quietly.
“I love you,” he said again as he hugged me.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“I’m sorry, too. I love you.”
He didn’t say anything more about it. We both understood each other. We both knew we had not handled the situation in the best manner. No more words were needed. How can I not show respect and submit to a man who loves me like that?
I am blessed beyond measure.
His Unsolicited Explanation:
Our daughter we are in the process of adopting had apparently been “pressing my wife’s buttons” all day. Then, my wife had just dealt with a boneless flop down fit in the ladies’ room. She was at the edge of snapping. I did not know any of this. I said something to my wife that she did not like and she snapped at me in front of people. It was awkward. It made me mad. I’m not too logical when I am mad. Poisonous thoughts started dripping for me then.
My wife had to go take care of something. The little one did not want me, she wanted Mama and she threw a fit for me while my wife was gone. A few minutes later, as we were leaving, I told my wife to take my car. The little one screamed most of the way home.
When we got home, I told my wife to go to our room and stay there. I did pajamas, teeth, books. Somewhere in the middle, we had that conversation where I said I was upset with her. I was rude. She was in our bedroom because I wanted to give her a break, so the little one would not have her way, and because I did not want to look at her. At one point, the kids went in to tell her goodnight. She looked less indignant at that point. (She’s a stubborn old coot.) I had cooled off a good bit, too.
While I was folding the laundry on the couch, I sang to the kids songs from our wedding hoping she could hear them. I was so tired, I did not want to take the time to make up. I just wanted to fix it and go to bed. I contemplated just taking all the blame so I could get to sleep soon. But, then there’s the principle that I could not let go of. (I’m a stubborn old coot too, you see.)
Well, you’ve heard the rest of the story. I think we were asleep in 10 minutes and we did not go to bed angry. So, it worked out OK.
If you read this article in its entirety, you now understand that both of us were in the wrong. This was not an example of abuse, but of selfishness on both his, and my, part. In our marriage we attempt to honor one another above ourselves and in this, we both failed on this day.
** I hope you will join me in January as we tackle the immense blessings and intricacies of marriage. As you can see, I need to dig into God’s Word and learn how to be a better wife. Believe me when I say I do not have all of this figured out. Maybe we can help out each other!!