The Ordinary Disciple ~ An Adoption Story

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I sat in the rocking chair watching her. This little girl who has moved into my home. How did we get to this point?

My husband and I weren’t even married yet when we had the conversation. We decided that we would have children. Whether they were biological or adopted, we would have children in our family. We also discussed that even if we DID have biological children, we would probably still adopt.

Then we went through 4 years of infertility. That was not fun. I started looking into adoption at that point. Overseas, private, foster adoptions.

Five years, and two biological miracles later, we seriously decided to begin the adoption process. It was October 2010 and my husband and I went through the Department of Social Service’s training for adoption. We received all of the paperwork that would be needed from us and afterwards we filled everything out which began the process.

Then we received the packet of “real” paperwork. This took us until April 2011 to complete and turn in. Not because it was a large amount, although it was, but because we were busy with life and every day normal-ness. Busyness.

Once this paperwork was turned in and processed the investigations began. We were interviewed. Our children were interviewed. Our house was inspected. And then finally we were told, “Ok. Your name will now be in the pool for consideration.”

And we waited.

At first it was exciting! We were going to adopt! I started a Facebook group to keep people up to date on what was going on. I told then when we had the investigations and inspections. Eventually everything quieted down.

On a day in January 2013 I remember posting in the FB group: “We’re taking the crib down. I guess we’ll put all of the baby stuff away.”

I wrote an email to our adoption coordinator on the third Friday of September. I told her to remove our name from the pool. It had been so long of a wait. I needed to move on. I deleted the Facebook group telling everyone we had decided to not pursue adoption since it seemed that we weren’t going to ever be given a child.

The next Monday the phone rang. My husband was on the other end telling me that the adoption coordinator had wanted to see if we were serious about pulling our name because we had just been chosen as a potential family the Friday she received my email.adoption1

And so here we are with a little girl in our home.

When people see us, or hear what we have done I receive different comments. I hear:

You are so amazing to be doing this!
Oh, this little girl is so lucky to be a part of your family!
God bless you!
You have done a wonderful thing!
What a blessing you are!
You are an inspiration!

I don’t quite know what to think about such words. My life is boring. The kids and I do our thing each day. Daddy goes to work. We work around the house. We go on vacations. (Although the trip to England WAS pretty exciting!) But everyday life is pretty routine. Nothing out of the ordinary ever really happens.

I am an ordinary disciple who is following her God. That’s all.

We will have good days. We will have not-so-good days. From what I understand we’re kind of in a “honeymoon” phase of adoption right now. This could last 3-5 weeks. Then “real life” hits. I hope when that happens I will be surrounded by God’s people who can pick me up when I can’t do anymore.

Emotionally, I am a mess. Can new adoptive moms have hormone swings too?!? I don’t know what to think and feel. I don’t FEEL excitement or ooey-gooey love. Love is a choice right now. This baby is a stranger. She is not even legally my child yet. This seems like glorified babysitting 24-7. And yet, I’m supposed to be a parent. She calls me, “Mama.” She smiles sweetly when she wants something and throws a fit if told, “no.”

I have Jesus in my heart which means I have been adopted into God’s family. I don’t think Jesus died on the cross because He was feeling ooey-gooey love for sinful people. I think He loved us with a choice knowing that His actions were what we needed in order to live a free life from sin.

And so I will take each day, each moment, at a time. I will put one foot in front of the other doing what is needed for my family. We will eventually get into a new routine and our lives will become boring again. We’ll be ordinary.

But being powerfully used by an Extraordinary God.


The Ordinary Disciple ~ An Adoption Story — 10 Comments

  1. AM – Thanks for sharing your story. I had wondered how you ended up adopting when I knew you had requested to be removed from the “list” Talk to the other adoptive parents at our church, if you haven’t already. I am sure that they will be greatly beneficial in helping you be at peace with what you are feeling. I am so grateful that you followed what the Lord told you to do.

    • I have. And I have a wonderful friend of mine who has been FB messaging me almost each day who has helped me to see that everything I am feeling is normal. She’s now working on fostering and adopting two more children. I felt like an awful mom. Everyone seemed so excited and I wasn’t. I am seeing a reality that everyone else can’t see. But all will be well. I’m taking one step at a time. πŸ™‚

  2. AM… As You know mikayla came home to us when she was 15 months… I went through post partum big time, it’s just that I didn’t know it had a name since I was an adoptive mom and didn’t bother nay of you out with It. I would just be sensitive to your emotions and feelings but also to hers … I am sure she has been spoken to on a 2 yr old level and told that you will likely be her new mommy so that poor sweet girl is doing what she thinks is correct and acceptable. That was a huge part of why we knew we couldn’t foster.. The period where you answer to DSS for everything and have to have them sign off on most everything. I do think unconditional love is always a choice… Adoption means unconditional love ….

    • Thank you friend. Yes, trying to be sensitive to all involved is hard and emotional. I want to be sure the baby is doing well and thriving, I need to be sure that my older children do not feel neglected, I need to be sure that my husband and I are strong together, I am trying to be sure that the house is running (food to cook is good!)…there is so much. This really has been an easy transition this week. but it is only the beginning. Visitations will begin in two weeks. Court dates will begin in December. Everything is out of my hands. But that’s ok. πŸ™‚

  3. I remember. I have stood in your shoes. The ooey-gooey love will come. There will come a time when you will have trouble remembering when she WASN’T in your lives. If you need to talk, I’m here. Hugs, Sandy

  4. This is the best piece I’ve read in a long time, AM. Amazing story. Amazing retelling of the story. You are so right, Jesus wasn’t feeling warm and fuzzy for us when He went to the cross. John 14 tells us that when he told his disciples that “the world must know that I love the Father and I do exactly as the Father has commanded me.” Jesus went to His death for us because He loved the Father and the Father asked Him to. We do what we do for our children and for strangers because we love the Father and it’s right. The warm connections, the relationship, can come later. You will get there, even if you have to walk through fire first.

  5. Congratulations! So excited for you! We have walked that road and KNOW all those feelings. Some days are amazing and some days you feel amazed you got through. Some days you are on top of the world and other days you feel like you would just like to get off! Everyday, YOU are blessed! Promise! If you ever need to chat or just a listening ear, I am around!!

  6. What an amazing story! I have gone back and forth about wanting to adopt a child. I know it comes with many challenges and I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal for where you are at.

Thoughts? Please share!