Dads Grieve Too

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I’ve had a miscarriage. There are quite a few of us in that not-so-fun club. But I think, during situations such as miscarriages, the daddy often is overlooked. Miscarriage seems to be a subject no one wants to talk about. So if a mama has a hard time talking about it, how much harder the daddy?

Some wonderful friends of mine lost their baby this past week. The mama was 16 weeks along. April 2014 seemed far away, yet so within reach. The following words were written by the daddy. Both are grieving, as are their five children.

After you read, please say a prayer for this lovely family. Thanks, Friends.

dads grieve

As I write these words I am crying. Today, October 29th, we buried my son. My heart hurts for all of the memories that I thought we would have together. The times I thought we would share. I firmly know though that my son is in a much better place now and content in the presence of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Never the less, the pain of loss still stings and hurts.

At the same time I am so thankful to have gone through all of this. There are so many things that God is doing in our hearts and lives. Healing and restoration, grace and peace, community and friends, they all surround us. Our lives are changed for the better.

I also must say that I resolutely and absolutely love being a father. There are a few things about me that most do not know. You see, after I was born my great Uncle came and visited my parents and when he saw me as a baby he told my parents that he sensed God’s blessing on me and that there was something special about me. At the time he thought that I might become a minister.

A few years ago I went to visit this same great Uncle, Uncle Charles, in his retirement home. After we had visited for a while the two of us walked out of the building together towards the parking lot. Just before we said our good byes, Uncle Charles turned to me and looked me in the eyes and said, “I know what it is now. When I told your parents that I sensed there was something special about you, I now know what it is. You are a father.”

I had not thought about that conversation much until today. I do believe he is right. It is God’s design. You see even as a child, my mother recalls, I turned to her and said I was “an old fashioned kind of a guy” and that “I wanted to have a bunch of kids”. Then a little later in college God placed an incredible woman in my life to be my wife and you know what was her greatest heart’s desire… to have a family.

I don’t say this to brag about me or my wife but to say that I am thankful to God for His gracious gift of children to us. What a wonderful blessing! I really do love being a father and see something absolutely amazing and wonderful in each of my children. This baby is no different. Though we didn’t get to share life together outside of the womb, we will share a future together. In the not so distant future, my life will be done here on earth. I will go bow before my King. I will be able to hug my Lord and Savior Jesus who died on the cross for my sins so that I can have a new life in Him. I will get to hold my little son in my arms and praise our God together with him. Praise be to God for His goodness and His grace.

Have you experienced miscarriage? What would you share with the grieving?

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Dads Grieve Too — 3 Comments

  1. I am praying. The same thing happens to men affected by infertility. Everyone comforted me but not many said a word to my husband. I comforted him. Sometimes I believe that people’s coping mechanisms are inept. I’m praying that will change. Sandy

  2. I’m glad you posted this. I know our misscarriage affected/ is affecting my husband more than me. He still talks about our “Sparrow” and tells people we have 7 kids when I’ve only had to change the diapers for 5 so far (Hope is doing great and kicking me more than the rest ever did; I think to reassure me).
    His closing thoughts expressed things beautifully. The more people we love in heaven, the more real and precious eternity becomes.
    It was delightful to hear from a man unashamed to love being a daddy. We recognize the built in desire of little girls to be mommies, but God was wise enough to give men longings for family, too. 😀

Thoughts? Please share!