I really think I am. I’m the right age for one, I guess. Perhaps its a “maturing” thing as one gets older. I don’t know. While I’m not planning on buying the red sports car just yet, I have been asking some pointed questions.
Have you asked these questions of yourself?
Am I doing anything that really matters?
What is my calling?
Time is flying by. What do I have to show for it?
What do I really believe?
What will happen when I die?
What if everything I’ve given my life to is a lie?
These are some big-time questions that have been rolling around in my brain the past few months. And Reader, I have to admit my faith has been really small. Perhaps this isn’t so much a mid-life crisis, as it is a crisis of belief.
Have you noticed that when you decide to get serious about God and Who He is, then reality as you know it changes? Your perspectives towards things of the world changes. Your opinions on matters of the heart change. Your political stance on heated issues become more conservative, or liberal. And then you begin questioning who you are, why you are on this earth, and what your purpose is.
So this is where I have been lately. I’m still working it out. I’m beginning to see a focus in the passions the Lord has given me.
But I’m also growing in my faith as He works miracle after miracle right in front of my eyes. He has proven to me, once again, that He exists. I’ve needed that. I haven’t liked questioning the existence of God. But He can handle the honesty and the emotions behind real questions.
My faith has been so small…like a mustard seed. My prayers seem to involve more silence on my part, allowing for the Holy Spirit to intercede for me instead, because I’ve had no words to say. I am challenged weekly as I teach my Bible lessons. I know I learn more than the kids do.
May I say as the father did to Jesus, “I do believe. Help my unbelief.”