The reality of adoption loomed in my face as I sat at the table.
This is real, I thought. Some little life is about to join my family, for real, and probably forever. How in the world does this work?
It was a Friday night. And I was sitting at a table in a huge conference room downtown. I was surrounded by amazing Christian women who totally intimidated me. I was a tiny fish in a great pond.
***But let’s back up four days.***
That Monday, my husband and I had been given the opportunity to adopt a 2 year old from foster care. We had not been given much information because the State wanted us to decide to pursue the adoption before giving us many details. We were to give them our answer the following Monday.
But see, I had given up on ever adopting. I was weary of the waiting. Our paperwork had been in the system for over two years. Our family had been praying for Baby #3 since the process began. We took down the crib and I had packed up all of the baby items. And just three days earlier, on Friday, I had sent an email to our adoption representative explaining to her that we were ending the process and moving on.
And then Monday she called to tell us that our name has been chosen for a child. Did we still want to take our name out of the system?
I wonder if God grins and laughs when He spreads His wings over us at that point of brokenness when He knows we are at the end of everything we have. I can see Him kindly shaking His head as He knowingly lifts us up with the strength of eagle’s wings. God has a purpose for each person. Each of us is to glorify Him and make Him known. And He will always give us the strength to complete His purpose.
But instead of being excited and jumping for joy because this adoption opportunity had finally come, I was filled with fear.
Lord, God what are You doing? What are you doing with me? What is your purpose? Do you really want us to adopt THIS specific child?
I was frozen. Filled with doubts. We were given the chance to refuse.
And so I sat at the table in the conference room listening to a speaker speak God’s Truth from Hebrews 12 to me. “You can change the world!” she said. Run your race! Focus on Jesus! Do not grow weary and lose heart! In her book she says, “Our God is real. Our God is coming. Our God has a plan for us. Our lives are short. We must get after it. Because heaven is coming fast. And what we are about to do here is urgent. It’s more urgent than we could ever imagine.” (Restless by Jennie Allen)
Then she had us turn to the person next to us and share our most recent, greatest fear that was holding us back from our purpose. When it was my turn, I barely could begin to form words. The Spirit was passing through that conference room guiding, loving, healing, calming…and comforting.
Doubts and fears flooded my soul, but I knew God held them in His hands. I knew He understood. The fear did not go away, but I knew I could face it with strength that did not belong to me.
And then we worshiped. Over 450 women who love Jesus sang with broken hearts to Him. And we sang, “Our God, You reign forever. Our Hope, our strong Deliverer. You are the Everlasting God. You do not faint, You won’t grow weary. You’re the defender of the weak, You comfort those in need. You lift us up on wings like eagles.”
I can change the world. You can change the world. God wants us to turn the world upside down for Him. And in MY world, that means being broken enough to place my plans, schedules, rules, routines, homeschool, and ‘four people family ways’ aside; and turn our family into one of five. It is sacrificing the peace of certain family dynamics and relationships I had with my other children as they deal with a new sibling. It’s dealing with tempers and tantrums on almost a daily basis. I may be weak, weary, frustrated, and tired, but it’s nothing compared to the weakness of an innocent two year old who is alone in the world.
This is my purpose, my calling, at least for now. My family is, hopefully, adopting a new family member. It’s a hard adjustment. It’s not easy, but we aren’t called to do the easy thing. This is the road I’m walking down right now. This is the plan. My life is short. I must get after it.
You have a road as well. What is your purpose? What is God’s action plan for you?
Your God is real. Your God is coming. Your God has a plan for you. Your life is short. We, as a church, must get after it. Because heaven is coming fast. And what we are about to do here is urgent. It’s more urgent than we could ever imagine.
I’m determined, with God’s help, to change the world of at least one little girl. Whose life will you change?